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To Be or Not To Be?

To be- the process of being- it is tiring and agonizing at times. To be a human is to be struck down by life at each and every turn you take. To be a human is to live with a heavy heart and a raging soul over the things you've lost and the people you've had to let go. And obviously, this may lead to a very significant question- 'Is it all really worth it?'

Is it?

Is life worth enduring? Is life really worth living?

Wouldn't death be more of a lovely option?

To be or not to be?

I'm not sure if I can give a definite answer to that question. But I know..

I know that I feel at peace when I lay my head on my mother's lap as she weaves her fingers through my hair strands. I know that I feel content when my father picks up my plate and hand-feeds me the food because, to him, I'm still his little girl. I know that I feel not so lonely when my brother barges into my room and messes up things a little to annoy me- his love language that I've always grumbled at but still adores. I know that I feel loved when my grandmother holds me close to her side and kisses my forehead every single time she makes to depart from my presence.

I know that I feel happy when I get to see my long-distance best friend and have her run into my arms for a hug. I know that I feel relieved when I'm having a particularly troubled day and somehow another one of my best friends who I've known since kindergarten texts me and asks me how I'm doing at that exact same time. I know that I feel useful when my friends call me up and speak to me about their problems because they feel comfortable enough to share their worries with me. I know that I feel blessed when I help an old lady across the road and she places her hand upon my head and says that God will always be with me.

I may not know whether the process of being and enduring a mountain of suffering and torment all through the course of our lives is really worth it. But I do know that little things like these- little moments and little joys in life- they are definitely worth it.

No matter how deep the downs in my life can go, I'll be satisfied as long as I get to feel these little joyful things in life.

Because to me, these little things.. they are not so little as you might think.

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