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Who Could Ever Leave Me Darling But Who Could Stay?



Taylor Swift's Lover album contains the song 'The Archer'. The title of today's blog- "Who could ever leave me darling but who could stay?"- is a lyric from that particular song. And I chose it to be today's topic because it is something that I resonate with too much. And as I was listening to it today, I grew too nostalgic. This is a very personal post but as I always say, my writing is the only place I can be truly vulnerable so here I am.

I've gained a lot of friends throughout my life. I've lost a lot of them. And I'm not saying others don't, but when I love someone, I love them very dearly. If they're close to me, even the slightest change in their attitude will hurt me very badly and I'll be crying over it into my pillow when nighttime comes. I put a lot of effort into the relationships with the people I value. I try and I try to be the best possible friend I can be to them. And they appreciate all of my little gestures and all of my little words. They assure me that they are not so little and that they love that they have someone like me in their lives. But over time, this fades and then I'm just plainly.. annoying. No, I'm not kidding. I've had one of my best friends look me dead in the face and say that I'm plainly annoying and that I try too hard. She told me that I do not know when to stop. She told me that I hold on too tight. She told me I suffocate people with my love. And it's then that I realized that an over-watered plant dies too. And yeah, she and so many other people I've dearly valued have left me saying that I am too much for them to handle and they have no place for me in their lives.

You see, I understand why they left. I understand it all. I hold no vengeance against them. In life, people come and people go. But I remember them telling me they would never leave me. But now that memory is tainted by the fact that they ultimately never stayed. It is exactly as that lyric goes- "Who could ever leave me darling but who could stay?" (Taylor really do be writing a lot of lines from the pages of my life.)

My wish in life is to grow accustomed to the pain this leaving brings. Because of course, more people I love and cherish are definitely going to walk out of my life one day. I only pray that I can muster up the courage to handle it without breaking down as I always do. But I will never hate them for leaving. I never can. Because it is as this quote from Uma Thurman goes-

"I still love the people I've loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them."

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