Remember Your Worth

"Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"

... "I did."

This is one quote that has haunted me ever since I came across it, only because it resonates too much with me. This is a very vulnerable post but I have to get it out because writing is my main source of emotional outlet. I've pleaded and requested and even begged people to put in the same time and effort as I did. I've minimized my worth and dignity to the least possible state just to get people to stay because to lose them was unimaginable to me. But despite whatever I said or whatever I did, they left. I used to think they would never do that to me. But they did. Many people did, countless times, over and over again, despite all promises. And over time, I came to realise that the fact that I thought they wouldn't leave- the hope that they would do better and do right by me- it was a mirror of my own potential. Whenever I thought they would understand and apologize and treat me better, it was only because I would do so if I were in their shoes. And no, I'm not painting myself as some sort of a saint. But it's now that I realise that I never should have ever begged anyone to stay in my life because if they wanted to- they would.

Hearing the stories of all the friends who used me and left me, my therapist sat me down and told me to acknowledge people for who they are rather than who they could be. Because that is never them. It's only a reflection of my own self. Since that day, I've been trying to remember my worth whenever someone does me wrong. I've been trying to remember how I deserve more than the people who cannot match my level of effort. I've been trying to use the word 'please' much less and only when it's absolutely necessary. Because I've finally realised it's good to be kind but not too kind that you let people trample all over you.

Prioritizing yourself might seem selfish to some people. But it is a necessity at times. Especially when you've been constantly made use of. So do not be afraid to let people walk out of your lives because hands were not just made to hold onto people- they were also made to let them go. That's why Mary Ruefle says that they are so unbearably beautiful. Just because you would do better if you were in someone's place, doesn't mean they would too. Just because you mean every promise you make, doesn't mean they do too.

Let this remain in your heart forever-

"Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"

Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did."

Neil didn't know what answer he'd been expecting but this wasn't it.

Andrew tolerated his blank stare for only a couple of seconds before waving this all off as inconsequential and uninteresting. "He said he would stop if I said it."

"You believed him", Neil guessed.

"I was seven", Andrew said. "I believed him."

- Nora Sakavic ( The King's Men)

"And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too."

-Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner)

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