Skip to main content

Identity Crisis of an Eighteen-year-old Girl- A Poem (sort of?!)



"Introduce yourself to me", said my professor

And in answer to her question,

I was unable to get past three mere sentences.

Now you see, I could tell her my name,

my place,

and my age.

But then I freeze- 

my lips parted in distraught.

I try to conjure up something- anything-

That may be of interest

To those who listen to me.

But my mind goes blank

And my mouth stays open

Leaving me with the reality that

I do not who the hell I am.


I think of the person I am

In front of my friends.

Understanding and kind-

Someone who loves them 

To the depths of the world.

Someone who is up to any crime

At any time

If they wish for it.

Someone of great advice

To abstain from grave danger-

A steering wheel and a brake

Both combined into one.


I think of the person I am

In front of my father

Obedient and soft-spoken

Always complying with his rules.

I think of the person I am

In front of my mother

A bit too arrogant

And of a sharper tongue

She must've wished at times

If she could cut.


I think of the person I am

To my followers on Instagram

The one who is stuck

On making everything aesthetically pleasing.

The one who sometimes shares too little

And sometimes, a bit too much.

I think of the person I am

To my friends on Snapchat

Forced to watch snippets 

Of my life, they never asked for.

A bit too narcissistic at times

With the way I assume

They'd want to see the coffee I drink

And the classes I take.


I think of the person I am

To my therapist.

Just another mentally unstable teen

Who just can't figure out 

Where to put her heart.

Just someone who's had scars

She kept picking at forever

Until they melted right into her skin

Becoming a part of her body

And hence, of her mind.


I think of the person I am

To a stranger passing me by.

Seeing me with my earphones in

Strutting along without a second glance.

Maybe I'll seem too haughty

Maybe I'll seem too gentle

Maybe they'd want to approach me

Maybe they'd want to never see me again.

Maybe they don't see me at all

Because I'm of no significance to them.

Maybe their gaze passes right through me

And onto something peculiar beyond.


I can think of all these things

And all these people

And draw up countless different possibilities.

But to think of the person I am

Staring at my own reflection in the mirror

Alone in my room-

Oh, how my mind goes blank again.


And I do not really know

If that's because

I'm everything all at once

Or because

I'm nothing at all.


So, please

Ask me my favourite colour (it's black)

Ask me my favourite flower (white lilies)

Ask me why I'm obsessed with Greek mythology

And with fictional characters.

Ask me to re-enact Jo March's devastating monologue

Or name Taylor Swift songs by listening to it's tune


But for the love of God,

please don't ask me who I am.


For that's the one thing

I do not know.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Significance of Jo March's Monologue in 'Little Women'

'Little Women', a classic novel by Louisa May Alcott was adapted into a movie under the direction of Greta Gerwig (one of my absolute favourite directors of all time) in the year 2019. It portrays the lives of four sisters- Jo, Meg, Beth, and Amy- navigating love, aspirations, and societal expectations during the Civil War era. The film beautifully captures their individual journeys and the evolving dynamics of sisterhood. Jo March, who is the second of the four March sisters, is the protagonist who aspires with every fibre in her to become a well-acclaimed writer. It's even more interesting how the character of Jo is actually based on Louisa May Alcott herself, making the story sort of a semi-autobiography. Played by Saoirse Ronan, Jo is portrayed as an extremely independent woman, challenging the gender roles and the restraints placed upon women in society.  Even though the whole movie is something that strikes the very depths of our hearts, there is one particular monolo...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Experience with Writer's Block and Overcoming It

  Writer's block, in my own personal experience, is something that eats away at your brain. You sit down in front of your laptop or your book and you want to write- you really really want to write- but your imagination fails you and no words come out. Then, you eventually have to shut the laptop or the book and keep it aside and I think that's one of the worst feelings in the world for a writer. As someone who has always penned down her thoughts and feelings, not being able to write is like a curse to me. If I do not write, I cannot express myself in the way I want to express myself, and that is truly something that disturbs me to my very core. When I was in high school, I had started on a fanfiction with a really intricate and complex plot with even more complicated sub-plots (and I do not know how I came up with all that but I just did). In the beginning, I was so excited about it and I was making multiple character and plot outlines and writing three to four chapters per day...
2 comments
Read more

The Thing About Life

Let me start off by telling you some good news. It has passed and you will never experience that again. Now let me tell you a bad one. It has passed and you will never experience that again. There are instances we wish we could freeze and frame forever. Like, even when you're living in it, you will feel a kind of ache within yourself over the fact that it will end at one point in time. And there are other moments you just want to get done with and leave the whole thing behind. You've had enough. It has drained you to the point where you want to be rid of it as soon as possible. This is life- a remix tape of the same two scenarios over and over again. This is life until your death. The highs and lows are a part of our existence. We cannot choose to keep the good part and avoid the bad. We have to learn to balance it both. We should cherish the good moments and enjoy them to the best of our capability whether it is with our loved ones or by ourselves. Learn to live in the moment....
Post a Comment
Read more